Healing Sexual Trauma From Childhood
Today I would like to share a deeply moving transcript from one of my hypnosis sessions. My client was born in India and migrated with her mother and a brother to the United States when she was ten years old. For about two years (it started when S was about eight years old), back in India, S was sexually assaulted by her step brother & regularly bullied and beaten by another step brother. I first saw S about 3.5-4 years ago. She came for an energy healing / Reiki session and had a powerful release which allowed her to connect with what we call in my field An Inner Child (or children, sometimes there are many to integrate back to the psyche of a wounded child). This treatment inspired S to move to a new clinic in New York City (S works as a physician and wasn't happy with her previous work environment) and make some changes in her life. This spring we met again for another energy medicine session, followed by a hypnosis/past life regression therapy. S was in not so good state when I saw her; she was coping with the trauma symptoms using food, occasionally alcohol. Symptoms included severe social anxiety, feeling unsafe (very small inside), fatigue, binge eating, which can be a form of dissociation (numbing of the emotions, escaping from the body through food induced coma. S suffered from a binge-starve cycle that slows down metabolism, wrecks energy levels, and causes weight to fluctuate). Once in trance, S was able to connect to the trauma memories with no severe abreactions (Abreaction is a psychoanalytical term for reliving an experience to purge it of its emotional excesses—a type of catharsis.)
I'm happy to share that S is doing a lot better now. We had another hypnosis/past life regression after the one I am sharing here and most likely will continue regression therapy until all symptoms fade away. In a case of a prolonged trauma, one or two sessions are likely not enough to fully heal. It might be another six months of regular work (once or twice a month is more than enough, if the client is implementing changes brought about by the subconscious mind).
Enjoy the story. I hope you will find it inspirational. Please share with those whom you think can benefit from regression therapy.
From The Black Hole with Light,
S – client
A – practitioner
S: I'm by the waterfall.
A: is the water falling down on you?
S: Not directly. I'm in the pond, by the rocks.
A: What does your body feel and look like?
S: It's young. i'm a young girl.
A: How do you feel in this natural environment?
S: Like a child, I want to play.
A: Do you know this place? Do you go there often? Is there a feeling of familiarity?
S: No, it’s like a trip or something.
A: What do you do in the water?
S: I splash, look around, I’m still holding on to the rocks.
A: Do you see other people around?
S: I kind of don’t want to see other people. I enjoy being there alone.
A: What do you do next?
S: I let go of the rock. I'm just walking in the water, its shallow.
A: Come closer to the waterfall, go under the waterfall, taste the water, let it pass through your system. (Client swallows and tastes the water, smiles)
A: It’s joyful, isn't it? Tell me more...
S: I feel very safe, nothing can touch me, and nothing can harm me. I'm just happy (starts to cry). I feel like Im in this little body, tiny body.
A: How old are you?
S: Five or six years old.
A: Look at your reflection in the water. Look at your face and tell me what features do you see.
S: I have bangs!!! (Client laughs with a surprise) I have a slightly tanned but kind of light skin, my hair is black.
A: Straight or curly?
S: It’s straight. The image is shifting between short and long hair.
A: Is the child happy?
S: Yes, but only when she is left alone. (Client is crying)
She feels so alone.
A: Allow yourself to feel the emotions, this is a temporary state. It will help you connect deeper. Start moving the body, walk out of the water. Can you describe the landscape?
S: I'm on the side of the hill, it's very mossy. I see fresh, green moss growing on the hill.
A: Are you bare feet? Can you touch the moss with your feet?
A: Let her show you where she lives, lets go to her home.
S: She doesn’t want to take me there. She takes me to a swings set.
A: Let's swing. Feel the body move up and down, the air touching your skin. It feels very freeing. Lets amplify the feeling of Freedom. Take a deep breath in, make the sensations stronger. What do you see around?
S: Trees, it's like a forest around. There is no one else near by.
A: It's a little unusual, right? A little girl playing by herself,
A: I tapped the client forehead to help her connect deeper to the story.
What is happening next? What scene do you see?
S: She is at school, she is wearing a brown uniform, with a white shirt and braun tie. She is older, about 8-9 years old. Im entering the school, walking toward the classroom.
A: Find your seat, look at the books on your desk.
S: This is my classroom.
A: So you are in India?
A: How do you feel?
S: I don’t know, Im responding to whatever is happening.
A: And what is happening around you?
S: Kids are talking, before the class starts. Everyone is sort of chatting away. I'm just looking around at people. The class begins. I think it might be Hindi, my language. There's a teacher but I can't really see her clearly.
A: I tap the forehead of the client and ask her to zoom into the teacher, so she can see details.
S: She is wearing an Indian sari, she has a bun, looks strict. It’s strange, there's a sense of well-being that has nothing to do with the present situation at home. I know this is going to end soon. There is a knowing that this isn't going to be forever. So it's almost like I can't pay attention to it, b/c I know it is temporary.
A: But we know that it has been affecting your reality for quite some time.
A: Let's explore this present situation, take me to your home.
S: There is a gate, I go in. I have two dogs, one of them barks a lot and it's kind of getting a little scary because, uh, two older kids like hit and torture the dog. It doesn't feel good. I feel like, yeah, everything's so dark. I'm going to just feel it.
A: I want you to take a deep breath and inhale this darkness, because there is information there. We'll clear it once and for all, allow yourself to sync into that darkness. Go into the house.
S: The darkness is all around the house, and every room feels like it's another pit of darkness.
A: Walk through with knowing that you're safe, that you can watch and you can describe. Describe to me the quality of that darkness. How are you experiencing it?
S: It’s like a choking sensation.
A: Do you feel it in your throat?
A: Okay. Let's bring quality of the soothing water from the waterfall into this experience. We're going to be going back and forth between this waterfall and the house to make sure that you can see clearer, deeper. You can take a sip from this water. So we can clear the throat and clear that energy from your system. Take me to the kitchen. What's happening in the house? Are your parents there?
S: I don't know where my mom is. I almost never know where she is. There's a, there's a servant cooking. He is short - a dwarf. He's not a normal height, he's older and I like him. I feel safer with him.
A: Take me to your room.
S: It's like an entrance from one room into another room. So it's like almost a room within a room kind of thing. You have to step down to get there.
A: Okay. Step down. Is it like going to the dungeon?
S: Yes, very dark energy as well.
A: Would you say you feel trapped there?
S: Very much so, especially in the evening. I don't know when the… boys…, when the sun goes down it's the worst. It's like feeling trapped, feeling contractive, feeling like no one's there to help.
A: Feel that for just a little longer. Let's fast forward to the night, because you know what happens at night, right? Walk me through the scene. Know that you're safe. You can watch it like a movie.
S: Okay, I know what's going to happen. My brother is in the bed next to me. Like I can't wake him up ever, he's like a rock solid, dead asleep. And these other boys come to the room. It's just one of them that comes to my bed. Okay. Initially it feels kind of good. It's like someone comforting you and loving you, but then it turns into something else…
A: What does he do next?
S: He kisses me. I don't know where… I can't…
A: Tune into that scene. Feel it on your skin. Have that experience consciously; do not escape from the scene, but know that you can always freeze it, like a frame on the screen, if it gets too intense. We're doing the opposite for a moment. Amplifying it, so you can heal from it. Does he talk to you? Does he whisper?
S: He does. He says he loves me and this is just a way of showing it.
A: So he's showing you affection, right?
A: And what happens next?
S: Okay. He takes down my pants. I don't, I don't want him to do that.
A: Of course. Just watch it, like if you were watching a projection.
S: Okay. I don't know. It's blurry. It's a blurry….
A: I tap a forehead of the client to make her see well.
S: Yeah, I remember. Sometimes he makes me do things. This is our secret. This has been our secret for a while.
A: Do you cry? Do you, um, push him away? What happens?
S: I’m completely paralyzed. Yeah, I dunno…I can't…
A: That's okay. The body knows, we can connect with the energetics and we don't need to even see all the details. We just want to have access to the energy from these events. S: It's like he's over me and he's like overshadowing me. Yeah. He's really tall. He is seven, eight years older than me.
A: Do you have an intercourse?
S: No. Huh.
A: Do you feel trapped in this situation?
S: Very much so.
A: Feel that energy and tell me where it is in your body.
S: In my arms.
A: I will touch your arms and we'll work on releasing the charge. We will have two screens open. One is the bedroom scene and on the other screen you can go back to the water. So there is a connection between the scene in the bedroom and the scene in the water. And I want you to release the tension into the water. The pressure. You can drink the water.
S: Okay. It’s funny. In the other scene, I feel like I'm levitating, right next to the waterfall!
A: Beautiful. Like you are lifted off the ground, right?
A: Notice how you can go between one experience and the other. Now, I want you to transfer that experience of levitation, transfer that energy now into the experience of being assaulted. So, even though you are watching that scene in the bedroom, I want you to bring the levitation into that scene. Can we do that?
A: Okay. Very good. So in that levitation, do you feel safe?
A: He cannot touch you. He cannot harm you. You can now replace the energy from all the attacks, not just this one scene. We're going into all the encounters you've had with him. It started earlier, right? Look through the album of your life. And I want to heal each situation. (What we are doing now is called energy transference).
S: That was, that was empowering. This guy and his brother… there is this one, one time where it was my brother and me and uh, that was, uh, they told us they were gonna…they were gonna beat us up that evening. And uh, he, uh, they started by throwing slippers at us. They locked us in the same room that they were in. They started throwing slippers at us and ridiculing us, saying things like we were worthless. And, uh, he, uh, they just had so much anger. He, uh, took a pillow and he, he put it on my face and pushed me against the bed. He pushed my face against the bed, tried to suffocate me.
A: Be there and feel the emotions. How do you feel in that scene?
S: Like I'm gonna die.
A: I want you to feel it knowing that you're not going to die but feel the emotions. Now we're going to bring again that scene from the water.
A: It will help transmute the energy.
S: The levitation feels great.
A: Transfer that energy. When you levitate, what happens?
S: No one can harm me.
A: Experience the relief that you don't have to feel this way anymore about any of these events. As you levitate, I need you to scan your body and identify where there are tentacles, connections with the fear from these situations. I want you to use the water to dissolve them. So when you look inward, find these connections in your nervous system and your organs. So, obviously that's also in the face, right? Because he's putting the pillow on your face. S: I feel it in the body and my face.
A: I want you to play with the energy of the water. Find the sensation of safety in that. You're levitating. Notice how that feels and try to lift off the ground.
S: There's a, there's this Indian, uh, god, Krishna and the uh, the image of like the Krishna as a boy showed up!
A: Krishna is very powerful, right?
A: I want you to throw this pillow off your face. Use that power of connection with Krishna, because you have that power within and show him what you can do because in this moment you're like that deity. If you can levitate, I think you can cross the room much in the same way Krishna would and the more you do it, the more it makes you feel stronger and you begin to realize that he will never touch you again. With the other stepbrother as well, he can no longer overpower you. We know that you can grow. It's not just your physical body; since you can expand, you can expand beyond this house and you can clear that dense dark energy from the house once and for all. S: I feel bigger and beautiful.
A: Keep growing until you feel like you are the right size. I want you to keep growing exponentially. You can go into space, go around the earth, go wherever you need to go. Your subconscious will take you to the right place.
S: It’s Amazing. I feel like it's okay. It's okay. It's over. The battle is over. I feel the relief. I’m in space above the Earth.
A: you can spend some time in the space among the stars, whatever feels right, wherever you'd like to go to heal all the lines of connectivity to these people and maybe there are other lives with them that co-created this traumatic experience. We want to heal that as well. So if there is information about that, how we can cut the web of connections, let’s explore it.
S: I feel a string pulling me in, it’s in my stomach.
A: Is it pulling you down towards the earth again? Let's go there. Allow yourself to drop into the lifetime or situation that is attracting you. S: I know it's Bombay, but I…,I haven't been to Bombay as an adult. I’m going somewhere, in a rickshaw. It’s a bumpy ride.
A: Connect with the body.
S: I'm a woman in my twenties or early thirties. I feel her body; she's in a rickshaw. She has a blue sari on.
A: Is she's an affluent woman or just regular?
S: Just a regular woman.
A: Look at her clothing. What are you wearing?
S: It's like a silver top and a blue sari. Her hair is long and braided.
A: Find a mirror right next to you. Pick up the mirror, look at your face.
S: Looks like medium brown hair with a big red bindi (Bindi is a coloured dot worn on the center of the forehead, originally by Hindus and Jains). Can't really tell any other features.
A: That's fine. Let's find out where are you going. You are traveling in rickshaw in Bombay; you are a woman in late twenties, early thirties. Let's find out what's your destination. Relax into it and you will receive the relevant information. Your subconscious is doing such an amazing job showing you these connections. So we are asking for that, to make sure we once and for all cut the cords connecting you with this trauma. This is really the intention here and the thread we are following. Let's find out more about her life.
S: She is not from Bombay. She's there, but she's not from there. She is from some village somewhere. A: Let’s fast forward a little bit. Let's find out why she came to Bombay. Feel your feet walking on the surface.
S: I don't think she has any particular place to go. She is just sort of looking at things. I see water, a small lake or pond maybe… I can't, maybe I can't tell more.
A: Let's be with her for a while. Maybe she's visiting the city because she's from a small village and she wants to have a big city experience. Who knows? We'll find out. Tell me more about this water.
S: It's like the park area now. It's like in the city and there's a lot of, um, it's not a beach or anything. It's like there are heavy round rocks in that area, but she's just walking by them, by the path, by the water. It's almost like a little bridge.
A: Walk on the bridge to the other side and let it connect you with memories of this woman. So as you're passing through the bridge, you are connecting deeper with her life story, details about her struggles, happiness, events that are important. S: She's really poor her when she's young. Very, very poor from like almost like a, like a really small village with like her living in like a little hut.
A: Is she walking bare feet?
S: No very, very poor shoes though. Like barely shoes.
A: Tune into the heart, go back in time, whatever is around her when she was like 11 or 12.
S: She has really dark skin, she has pigtails, her mother's there, but her mother's not really looking at her.
A: Is her father there now?
S: He's there now. He's not looking at her either.
A: I want you to tune into that scene deeper, the energy of it. So you are saying they're there, but you're saying she feels alone, right?
S: Yeah. I cannot feel them. Almost like they live in their own world. She lives in her own world. Yeah
A: Okay, so there's this feeling of abandonment or neglect. I want to zoom into the parents.
A: Walk up to the mother. I want you to look her in the eyes. Connect to the energy of the mother.
S: She, she just, she doesn't know what she's like. Almost like she's dead inside.
A: Let's go back to the girl. Do you have a name that comes up right away? What is her name?
S: Shree, Shree.
A: Are there any other kids?
S: I think they're supposed to be. There's like, there's energy that someone's there, but I think either they died or they got lost or something happened to him. Like a younger brother almost.
A: Let's go outside and look around.
S: It’s green, forestry like.
A: From what you said, being in the hut with her parents is not one of the healthiest environments. Let her show you where she goes to feel/be herself or to maybe release some of the stress from her life and pain. Does she have a place like that?
S: There's like um, a tree whose um, branch kind of extends out to the right, close to the ground. So she goes and sits there.
A: Okay. Let's sit with her. Sit there and feel her emotions.
S: She keeps on focusing on how to get out of this place, how to make things better. Uh Huh. She doesn't want to talk about what's happening now. She feels trapped and she is focused on escaping this or somehow changing the situation in some way.
A: Let's close that scene and move to the next one. You can close one scene and appear in another, when something is happening in her life that makes it relevant for you to see.
S: Oh God. Uh, she's uh, she's getting raped. She's being raped or Huh?
A: Watch. Tell me who is raping her.
S: She doesn't know him. It's like a dark alley. It's, and it's like I’m in a city, but it's like a quiet alley. (When client identifies with the subject seen in hypnotic state and uses forms like: “I am”, it indicates a deep trance state) A: How old are you?
S: A bit older. I’m like 30.
A: Are you trying to escape? What are you doing?
S: I’m shocked by what's happening. I’m trying to escape, but the guy like pushed me, pushed up against, it's like, it's a wall, I’m standing, pushed up against a wall. He is holding both of my arms behind my back. Yeah. Yeah. He lifts me up, trying to rip my skirt off.
A: When you feel this violation for a moment, when does the energy enter your body? I want you to optimize your inner vision, so you can see his eyes, the perpetrator. Tell me if you recognize his energy from your current life or from any other life.
S: I can't turn around. I can't see.
A: Let's connect with the part of you that can levitate and zoom, get closer to this guy, turn around and look at him, look him in the eyes.
S: Okay. I don't know. I know it doesn't look like anyone I recognize, but the energy is the same as someone that just wants to take something away from you.
A: Let's open the screen with you levitating, next the assault scene. Bring that energy of Krishna as a boy you saw earlier. Now let's grow. Let's make sure you grow and expand the energy field of that woman. So she can see herself getting stronger. Show him what she's capable of.
S: Oh my gosh! She just stopped him! Wow. I don't know where she got that knife from, but she just stabbed him in the gut without any kind of hesitation, she just went for it.
A: I want you to feel the empowerment, that freeing sensation from this act of freeing yourself. She had so much power to stop him and free herself, now make it yours, absorb that feeling, integrate it.
S: I’m feeling stronger.
A: Let's see what happens next in her life. So she killed him.
S: He is gone.
A: We're not concerned about logic or chronology here. We are topping into whatever's relevant, whatever can help you today. So she was a tough cookie. She grew up in a small village, was neglected by her parents, and she was determined to make her life better. When in the city, she experienced a sexual assault, a violent act of disrespect. Let's see what else is happening in her life that we should connect with.
S: She doesn't feel free. She doesn't feel free.
A: Scan the energy around her body, scan her emotions, her mind. Let's find out what is keeping her hostage mentally, emotionally. What is preventing her from changing her life for the better?
S: She doesn't think she, she doesn't think she'll ever have the love that she wants or she needs, she wants to. She keeps herself small, isolated. Even though she was able to free herself from the rapist.
A: Huh. Okay.
S: Yeah. She feels so contracted.
A: Where do you feel the contraction?
S: In my stomach.
A: Let's bring the energy from the waterfall again. Drink plenty of this crystalline water, so we can dissolve the contractions. We will spend as much time as we need there, because we want you to dissolve your connection with that woman and her life story. Do you see the similarities between your life and her life, how her connection into your stomach created a very similar experience of feeling very small and we're here to heal that. Let’s send her love, compassion and acknowledgment that she has done tremendous work, especially considering that she’s living in India, in the cast system.
S: Yeah. She is like without a…without a backbone. She keeps walking without the spine, keeps moving without direction. A: So like you said, she was in a city but she didn't have a direction or a plan, nor anyone to ask for help from.
S: She has only been there once as a child.
A: When you're looking at the timeline, what does it seem like to you? Look at the styles of clothing of the people around.
S: It looks like early eighties, maybe a little earlier.